Low carbing is such torture.  No sugar, no candy, no Little Debbie Snack Cakes…  What’s a girl to do when she has a hankering for some starchy, naughty goodness?

Make macaroni and cheese, of course!


No, really!

Thanks to the wonder of modern food engineering, you CAN have low carb pasta.  And today, I’m going to show you how to make my favorite guilty pleasure, full of white trashy goodness and macaroni!

Spamaroni and Cheese.  (With Asparagus)

To make this, you need:

  • 2 cups Dreamfields elbow macaroni, uncooked
  • 3/4 lb Velveeta (YES!) — cut into cubes
  • 1/3 cup milk (I used evaporated.  You can use cream, regular milk, soy milk, or whatever you have on hand.)
  • salt
  • pepper
  • 1-2 cups chopped asparagus
  • Spammity Spam.  Cut into cubes.


  • Cook the macaroni.  It is low carb, because (*place deity name here*) is good.  But be sure and don’t cook it for more than 9 minutes, because if you cook it longer than directed, the low-carby goodness goes bye-bye.  You have been warned.
  • While you’re waiting for the water to boil, fry the spam until it is nice and brown.

  • While you’re cooking the macaroni, boil or nuke the asparagus.  (I got mine frozen in a box because I’m lazy, and asparagus is out of season and rather sad-looking at my local grocery store.)
  • When the macaroni is done, drain it and return it to the pan.
  • Add cheese, milk, salt, and pepper.

  • Stir on low heat until everything is nice and melted.  Feel free to throw in some shredded cheddar if you feel like it.  Or even better, GOVERNMENT CHEESE!

  • When the cheesiness has incorporated into the pasta, add the Spam and asparagus and stir.

  • ***OPTIONAL***  Put into a casserole dish, throw some shredded cheese on top, and bake at 350-400 for 20 minutes.
  • Eat.  And best of all, gloat that you’re low carbing AND having yummy pasta!