How to prepare for a craft show…

  1. After registering for said show, procrastinate until about 2 weeks before the show.  
  2. Put off making the thing that everyone wants/expects you to make (monster bags), just for spite.  Work on as many other things as you can (Japanese fabric pouches and stuff).  Do this until 3 days before the show.
  3.   Take the Thursday and Friday before the show off.  Start working on monster bags.

THURSDAY:

  1. Wake up at around 8am.  But stay in bed just because you can.
  2. 9-9:30 am:  Walk and feed dogs.  Have some cereal.  
  3. 9:30-9:35am:  Consider showering, but decide to have Stinky Thursday instead.  Just because you can.
  4. 9:35-10am:  Get dressed as slowly as possible.  Put on minimal makeup.  After all, who’s gonna see you?  
  5. 10am:  Arrive at craft store.  Pick out the two colors of fabric that are suitable for your project (pink and red). Get really, really angry that they don’t have more color choices for you.  Decide to not go to the other fabric store in town, because you are LAZY.
  6. 11am:  finally check out of craft store.  Mostly because of the geriatric old lady manning the cash register.  Can’t they get younger help???
  7. 11:15 am:  get home.  Think really evil thoughts about the utility men who are blocking your driveway with their truck.  Scowl.  Mouth obscenities at them as you drive around their truck, nearly hitting a mailbox.
  8. 11:15-11:30am:  See uncle across street.  Listen to him yammer on about how he wishes he could finally retire so that he can work on projects around the house.  
  9. 11:30am-12:15pm:  cut fabric for bags.  Gag on smokey smell from lining fabric, which you got at a thrift store.  Regret buying fabric at a thrift store.  Throw fabric in washer and pray.
  10. 12:15-12:20:  Slide around your studio floor on newly faux-fur-bottomed shoes.  Whee!
  11. 12:20-12:30:  Sweep up faux fur.  Mutter obscenities at whoever suckered you into making these stupid things.  Attempt to remove faux fur tendrils from eyes, and fail.  Use pet hair pickup roller to remove faux fur from clothing.
  12. 12:30-1:00: make lunch.  Udon noodles avec leftover chinese food!  YUM!  (See, this has something to do with food…!)  
  13. 1:00-1:30:  Eat lunch while catching up on Project Runway.  
  14. 1:30-2pm:  Finish watching Project Runway.
  15. 2pm-5pm:  Sew tedious bits-and-pieces parts of monster bags.  Decide that instead of doing box-stitch on handles, that a couple of zigzagged lines will do.  Be grateful that the thread blends in with the handle material.
  16. 5pm-6pm:  workout at gym.  Feel all manly and strong, and convinced that you could so totally kick your husband’s ass, should  the need ever arise…
  17. 7:20-9:??:  See TROPIC THUNDER at the movie grill.  Be thankful that the tickets were free.  
  18. 9:??-10:30pm:  Read, then sleepy time.


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